chicken little

I always think of awesoem things to say here - to express perfectly what is going on in my heart. I think of stories, metaphores, even saying it right out -

but then I figure....

I don't want to put that out there. Just in case.

So I keep it inside, tucked back where it came from and push on. Its better for dreaming though - at least it formed into a solid thought.

weird day

weird day.

bad hair day

I got stiffed by three tables today! I'm slightly upset at the American value system right now, thinking that a bad hair day would affect my tips so much!!

day 2

This is day two of a two day no tv or movie period. My roommates are in the other room watching tv. I have cloistered myself in the bedroom but I cant think of much to do. I've found the last Jane Austen book I haven't read - but is that cheating? Isnt it like watching tv anyway??

bah!

God has challenged me to go two days without tv or movies (including hulu!!!) and tonight I am kinda crazy. I'm thinking about the ex, the new girl, wondering what the use is of absolutely everything, I just can't find a way to rest...

maybe this is why he said 2 days and not 1.

10 things I hate about you

I think I'm getting sick - is that a good enough excuse to watch abc family on hulu for hours on end? I can call it resting, right?

how do you make every day count when your head feels five times its normal size and your body is always on the verge of sleep? How bad is it to waste that kind of day?

strangely

I feel strangely connected to this site as of late. I am anxious to come on and type even though I have nothing in particular to say... This may be a withdrawal symptom from my facebook and email purging....

I'm even more certain I should leave this town at the end of next month, but I'm also even more reluctant to leave. I feel like I have put so much work into building relationships and creating a place for me here, that it seems like quitting or giving up to leave.

I'm really not a quitter - quite the opposite really. I'm very much stubborn and want to finish whatever I embark on.

So much to ponder - so why can't I get HIM and HER off my mind?!

hey now

So I had to put sugar in my coffee today - I think it had to do with my not eating much sugar over the last couple of days though. And one sugar pack was enough... but I'll try not to again!!

I've turned my phone off for most of the last few days and the only person who has gotten upset is my boss, becuase he wanted to know if I could work for an extra hour the next day.

Silly man - I am not on call as a waitress when I am off!! If I were a doctor and he were calling about someone dying, this would make more sense. But my friend not being able to come in a 4 is not am emergency. AND I didn't have to deal with it till I was at work! I'm liking this no phone thing :)

so I've switched my emails completely, shut down my facebook, and am turning my phone off. I'm doing this because I am too stuck on hoping a certain boy will suddenly remember that he loves me. This hope is debilitating. So I'm cutting off the sources of hope..... but I think I might have to move for this to be complete.

I'm just getting settled into this little town....but my mental health is extremely important. Oh Bah. Zut Alor!!

SO that is my recent quandry. Do I stay in the same town, risking running into him and his new future wife, or to do I go somewhere where I can breathe?

whew!

I was worried blogger wouldn't let me log in because I switched emails. This is good - I'm glad I can still be on!!

I'm going into hiding, but I will probably still chronicle my life here.

Major sifting going on now - there has to be gold somewhere - doesn't there????

press on.

forgiveness

My friend just informed me that most people don't name their plants.... I don't see why not. I like my plants. If I don't name them - how will I keep them alive??

also, I am meeting with someone Monday night whom I have had major problems with, and so I need to forgive them before I see them to prevent screaming and fighting and other such drama.

This will be good. Forgiveness is good. Plus, I realized I have done all the same things to God that I'm so mad at this other person for. SO the forgiveness will the rather two sided. Yet another good thing.

I realized I am slightly reluctant to give up my anger. I think I see my bitterness and anger well earned and kind of a badge of honor - which is rather stupid, but supported by my favorite movie: Pride and Prejudice.

When Jane leaves to London to chase after Bingly, Mr Bennett is telling Lizzie that its her turn to be rejected by a boy "A girl likes to be crossed in love now and then, it gives her a sort of distinction amongst her friends"

Well, my high school WAS accredited with Distinction. So I guess this is my destiny :)

Oh how I love absurdity!!

new day

I'm trying to drink coffee without sugar.

This morning I had half coffee half milk and success. I've just brewed some at home and we'll see how this goes....

:) bear with me - this is big!!!

no work

I was all dressed and ready to go to work when my boss called and said there was no business and I shouldn't go in. I was too awake to go back to bed and too ready to leave to just sit and watch tv.

SO I left as if I were going to work - I went to the post office and my car was going crazy! When i would put it in park it would rev up as if I was slamming on the gas -

SO I went to the car place and they just had to adjust some nob they had messed up on and I was on my way again, this time to the library. While perusing language stuff, I found the Complete Book of Ettiquite by Miss Manners...

SO I spent an hour reading about the correct and polite way to eat oysters, give gifts, deal with annoying friends, and even the polite way to have a one night stand. I will add that Miss Manners is one of my favorite people in the world right now, though I'm sure she would not approve of me. That being done I checked out some books and headed home in the great sunshine. After doing some very productive things I saw that Gilmore Girls was on tv!

SO I sat in awe and complete happiness watching my favorite two girls get into silly argements with thier parents and some cute boys. My time being sufficiantly wasted, I went to work the dinner shift - and actually made money!!!

Oh happy day :)

I did it!!

So I went to Springfield for my night out even though no one could come. After complaining enough, God mentioned he was free to come with me :)

we had a great time - bought cool Jewelry, fun glasses, great Italian food, and saw an amazing movie!!!

I also ran into a friend of mine and got to hang out with her and her work friends for a little while!!!

I am so happy that God showed me that I can still have fun and a life independent of anyone else...

dispensable

before I left for India, I never had quite enough time for all that I had to do, and for all the people in my life. Being gone for six months teaches people to live without you however, and they seem to have realized I am totally dispensable.

anyone want to go see clue Friday night? I really just need to get out of bolivar - I've been in city limits for two months and I need to get OUT!

but apparently I need new friends for that.

converse

Easter Sunday -

First Sunday as New Preacher -

Shoes: Converse.

I'm gonna like this guy :)

all fools day

today has reminded me of my foolishness. I was doing something stupid and time wasting when I realized it was April 1st.
I just stopped where I was and what I was doing. I have been dreading april for months, ever since it stopped being the crown jewel of months that it was supposed to be. Its already April.
April!
Oh what a fool I am :(
sorry, if I explain any more, this will turn into a diary - but just know that I am learning - to not waste time and get up. I still feel like I just got back from India, but its been months!! I still feel like he just broke up with me, but its been months!!
What a fool.
Happy April.